Faith at Home moments

Public speaking is a part of my job description?!?

That was one of my first thoughts when Pastor Herb Coates asked if I'd be willing to share "Faith at Home moments" with the MAFMC congregation from time to time. Now that the nervousness has subsided a bit, I look forward to sharing with the congregation for a few minutes each month.  This section is a collection of those moments:

3.29.14

Successful Parenting?

Our society is fueled by success, so what pops into your mind when I ask what makes a “successful” Christian parent? It’s a loaded question, right? For those of us who are parents, I have a feeling that as we talk about passing on faith to the next generation, it can be easy for feelings of guilt and failure to creep in. What if there is not peace at home? What if your children are away from the Lord? What if family devotions aren’t a part of the routine? Are you a success or failure as a Christian parent? There are so many expectations, and the questions can go on and on.

I recently had the privilege of attending the Hearts at Home conference for moms (www.heartsathome.org). One session I sat in on was lead by author and mom Leslie Leyland Fields. From her experiences, she has written a book titled “Parenting is Your Highest Calling’ and 8 Other Myths That Trap Us In Worry and Guilt.” http://amzn.com/  

She was a great speaker. I wanted all of you to be able to hear her presentation, so a copy of her talk, plus many others are on CD in the Faith@Home center – you can check them out.

The session I attended was titled “Successful” Parenting or Faithful Parenting?” She talked about how God does not call us to be “successful” parents, but faithful parents. She believes that a lot of us buy into the myth that if we are successful as Christian parents, if we do our jobs correctly, and teach our kids all the right things, we’ll turn out perfect Christian children. It seems logical, right?

Many of you are probably familiar with this verse:

Excellent advice for any parent, and wise words for us to follow. But we need to keep in mind, that verse is a proverb (a wise saying) not a promise from God. Our actions and training alone cannot guarantee an eternal outcome for our children. Think about it- those words were written by King Solomon- the wisest man who ever lived. Do you think he was trained, and knew the right way to go? Of course he did- better than anyone! But by the end of his life, even he made choices that led him off track. Remember, no matter how much training they receive from us, our children have free will!

God himself had (and has!) some pretty rebellious children. Throughout the Old Testament he sent prophets to speak to them on his behalf. One in particular who was called to a difficult situation was Ezekiel. He certainly would not be called a “success” by our standards- people did not want to listen to him. God responded to the adversity Ezekiel faced not by making his job easier, but by making him stronger. Let’s listen to what God said to him (this is from Ezekiel 2:4-5): “The people to whom I am sending you are obstinate and stubborn. Say to them, ‘this is what the Soverign Lord says.’ And whether they listen, or fail to listen, for they are a rebellious house, they will know that a prophet has been among them.”

We might not be prophets, and we can’t control our children’s hearts. But we do want them to know that a man or woman of God has been at home with them, whether they ultimately choose to listen or not. 

So what is our job? Remember the Deuteronomy 6:5 verse? For all of us, our most important job is to “Love the lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength,” and to be faithful in our relationships with the Lord. For those of us who are parents, I am confident that if we are in line with him, he will strengthen us- give us the wisdom, the desire, and creativity to connect with our children, and help us train them up in the way they should go. But the spiritual training and discipline needs to start with us in our relationships with him.  

As we approach Easter, in the Faith@Home center we will have some great resources and ideas for everyone to use at home- ways to ponder and share God’s story. But no matter what your walk of life, please remember that your focus should not be on the thing or activity itself, or guilt over whether an activity does or doesn’t get done, but that your actions will flow from your love for God, a desire to know him more, and share that story with others. The Bible itself is our ultimate resource! I encourage you to read the gospel of John, just as a reminder of the story of Jesus’ ministry, death and resurrection. Get that lesson in your own heart so you can share it!  As we’re thinking about SoulShifts, let’s consider another one more– a shift from being “successful” to faithful!

10.20.13

Less than 10%

Pastor Herb and Sheryl Coates, Donna Yardy, Donna Earley, Amy Jessup and I just returned from several days at the D:6 Conference on all things faith at home. The name of the conference itself, and theme comes directly from Deuteronomy 6:4-9. As it was pointed out in a comical way, D:6 doesn’t mean we designate 6 people or institutions (like a Sunday School teacher, coach or bus driver) to teach the next generation about faith. We need to do it ourselves in our homes and within our church body!

One speaker, Dr. Tommy Sanders, Assistant Provost at East Texas Baptist University, hit the nail on the head for me with a statistic. First, I would describe this man as the "velvet hammer" of southern Sunday school teachers, speaking the truth in a loving way. He even warns the parents of his preschool class that having him as their children’s teacher will be a bittersweet experience, and he means it! He cares about his class, is passionate about what he's teaching, and holds families to a high standard of what should be going on at home. He shared that Less than 10% of elementary age children who come from Christian families know how their parents became Christians. OUCH! This really got me thinking about how often I share MY story- with my children, with my friends.  Truly, those of us who are believers have THE BEST NEWS in the world, yet how often do we share it?

1 Peter 3:15 says “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.”

That’s my challenge to all of us this week. Own your story of how Jesus has rescued and redeemed you, and be prepared to share it! At home, with your friends, in whatever situation God puts you in. 

7.14.13

Green Tree or Tumbleweed?

Use your imagination with me for a minute. Can you picture in your mind a beautiful tree, fresh and green, planted in a lush garden?

Now imagine the opposite. Desolate land with fried tumbleweed blowing about aimlessly.

Chad and I just celebrated our 15^th wedding anniversary. For the first time since our girls were born, we took a few days off together for the sole purpose of getting away to relax and reconnect. We were amazed at how restful five days without our normal routine could be. Several days after we got home, Chad mentioned to me, “I see you” again. 

Upon reflection, I think that is what God intends the Sabbath to be, a time for us to see Him clearly again. When we take time to rest and tune into God, our minds clear, priorities realign. We have time to listen to what he wants to say to us. We are mindful of the still, small, voice of his spirit, and it’s direction. In fact, God knows our spirits need this rest and reconnection with him so much that he COMMANDS us to do it. The fourth commandment God gave Moses is “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy”.

Our culture pushes us to work faster, harder more. Through computers and PDAs we can be “always on”. We think somehow that if we don’t keep plowing through our days, that the work won’t get accomplished. Jeremiah 17:5-8 says this:

“God’s Message: Cursed is the strong one who depends on mere humans,

Who thinks he can make it on muscle alone and sets God aside as dead weight.

He’s like a tumbleweed on the prairie, out of touch with the good earth.

He lives rootless and aimless in a land where nothing grows.

But blessed is the man who trusts me, God, the woman who sticks with God.

They’re like trees planed in Eden, putting down roots near the rivers-

Never a worry through the hottest of summers, never dropping a leaf,

Serene and calm throughout droughts, bearing fresh fruit in every season.”

Later in the chapter, he goes on to give some very stern warnings about keeping the Sabbath holy “This is God’s message. Be careful, if you care about your lives, not to desecrate the Sabbath by turning it into just another work day”.  The repercussions of not following his word are dire. I encourage you to read Jeremiah 17 to see what he has to say.

Now believe me, I do not stand before you as someone who has mastered this art of Sabbath rest!  But it is an issue God has been working on in my heart over the last few months. There are certainly seasons of life where it can be difficult, if not impossible, to completely walk away from your obligations. However, I think there are steps ALL of us can take to slow down.

-       PLAN ahead for a restful day- literally remove some distractions from view. If that means making sure your kitchen is clean on Saturday afternoon, or that pile of work that’s been staring you down needs to get moved, do it! Do what you can to get it to a place where it can sit for a day. I know of one family who tries to have their table set and a meal prepared and ready to pop in the oven by Saturday night so they can have a restful meal together on Sunday. Create some routines that will allow you to take one day “off”.

-       Turn off the technology: the phone, the news, Facebook. Believe me, the world will still be there waiting for you.

-       Take a break from whatever it is you see as “work”

-       Remember, the mere absence of work does not mean you’re focusing on God, either. Take time to worship, pray, read your Bible, take a walk. Reconnect with Him.

-        

Of course, I’ve barely scratched the surface here. If you haven’t already, I encourage you to watch the 24/6 videos on RightNow media for more ideas on the importance of the Sabbath and keeping it holy.  

I don’t know about you, but I want to be like a tree planted in Eden, not tumbleweed!

9.16.12  

Finding the right group of sinners....

This week as I was preparing what to say to you, God has brought to mind some relationships in my life.  Friendships in particular.  I love this photo of two of my friends- it reminds me of an unexpectedly delightful shopping trip last fall, that I smile whenever I think of.

My mentors Donna and Helen wearing some awesome sunglasses!

Friendship is important when you’re 5, when you’re, 30 and when you’re 91.  In all seasons of life, we need relationships, others to talk to and “do life” with. The Bible instructs us in Galatians 6:2, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you fulfill the law of Christ”.

It’s hard to be transparent, though, to let others know when we’re hurting.  Through the openness and trust that has developed because of our small group, last week someone shared a cry for help, and as a result, friends are taking steps to reach out and support that person.  I wonder what would have happened if that person had failed to share? 

I’d like to share with you an excerpt from Philip Yancy’s book “Church: Why Bother? (51-52)”.  I apologize in advance to my small group, who has heard this at least twice! I think it beautifully illustrates the importance of dependence within the body of Christ.

Church: Why Bother? cover photo

Alcoholic Teachers

Alcoholics Anonymous meets needs in a way that the local church does not- or at least did not for my friend. I asked him to name the one quality missing in the local church that AA had somehow provided. He stared at his coffee for a long time and then he softly said this one word: dependency.

     "None of us can make it on our own- isn't that why Jesus came?" he explained. "Yet most church people give off a self-satisfied air of piety or superiority. I don't sense them consciously leaning on God or on each other. Their lives appear to be in order. An alcoholic who goes to church feels inferior and incomplete."

     "It's a funny thing," he said at last. "What I hate most about myself, my alcoholism, was the one thing God used to bring me back to him. Because of it I know I can't survive without God. I have to depend on him to make it through each and every day. Maybe that's the redeeming value of alcoholism. Maybe God is calling us alcoholics to teach the saints what it means to be dependent on him and on his community on earth."

     From my friend's midnight church I learned the need for humility, total honesty, and radical dependence- on God and on a community of compassionate friends. As I thought about it, these qualities seemed exactly what Jesus had in mind when he founded his church. 

     Alcoholics Anonymous came out of a discovery by Bill Wilson. On his own, Bill had stayed sober for six months until he made a trip out of town, where a business deal fell through. Depressed, wandering a hotel lobby, he heard familiar sounds of laughter and of ice tinkling in glasses. He headed toward the bar, thinking "I need a drink."

     Suddenly, a brand new thought came to him: "No, I don't need a drink- I need another alcoholic!" Walking instead toward the lobby telephones, he began the sequence of calls that put him in touch with Dr. Bob Smith, who would become AA's cofounder.

     Church is a place where I can say, unashamedly, "I don't need to sin. I need another sinner."

Wow. If you’re not feeling “connected” I urge you to reach out to your church family.  Small groups are an excellent way to do that. If you’re parenting a child birth through high school, please come check out our 1^st and 3^rd Families small group on Wednesday nights.  It is tailored for those with kids at home. This fall as the church is focusing on prayer, we’re reading “Too Busy Not to Pray” by Bill Hybels, and after this study we’ll continue our faith at home focus. Please see me for details- we’d love to have you join us. There are other groups that meet at various times throughout the week. Talk to Pastor Herb, and he’ll get you connected.  As Philip Yancy might say- we can find the right group of sinners for you!  

8.19.12  

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might!"

I hope that you were here last week to hear Herb’s message on discerning God’s will.  It was excellent!  One verse he referenced, stood out to me in particular, and has stuck with me through the week.  It’s from Ecclesiastes 9:10:  “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might”.

As most of you know, I am on staff here at Mattis Avenue, and I certainly feel that God called me to this position.  But here’s the thing…. my FULL time position and calling is as MOM.  A few years ago, two little ones were born into the Olson/Jessup families within a few months of one another.  This photo captures a precious moment in time when my sister and I both had a new baby at home.

Sisters with newborns

Well, it seems as if I BLINKED, and those very same babies started their first day of kindergarten on Friday.  As I look at that photo from a few short years ago, I’m already realizing how quickly this season of my life as a mom is going to fly by. 

As a parent, with younger kids, there are a lot of moments in my day where I’m doing things that don’t necessarily feel like living out God’s important will for my life:  packing lunches, doing laundry, you know the drill!  I think that’s why that Ecclesiastes verse really stuck with me. Although I know that I was called to ministry here at Mattis Avenue, I also know that more importantly God has called me to be a mom, aunt, neighbor mom and friend to the little people he’s put in my life right now, and to point the way to Him. The most important mission field I serve in is in my own home. 

With this back to school season and all the new routines that come at this time, I have a new one God has placed on my heart: to pray with my children as they head out the door in the morning, and be more diligent about praying with them when conversations arise about what’s going on in their hearts, and what’s going on at school.  I’ve already had this opportunity with our older daughter, and we’ve only had one day of school! 

If you have kids of any age at home, I encourage you prayerfully consider this week how you’re living out God’s will for this season of your life in your family, and how he can use you exactly where you are.  And wherever God has called you, remember that verse in Ecclesiastes, “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might”!

4.15.12 

Don't compare!

So how many of you enjoy doing things online?  Show of hands? Thanks to technology today, not only can we go to the library or bookstore to read about new ideas, but we can go online and see what our friends are up to on Facebook or Twitter, read blogs, or check out one of my new personal favorites:  Pinterest, which is a virtual pin board for all sorts of creative ideas. 

As soon as Chad and I found out we were going to be parents, we celebrated with a dinner date out, and gleefully went to the bookstore to browse through pregnancy and parenting books, wanting to learn as much as we could about this new life experience.   Have any of you been there?   You don’t have to be a parent to know what it’s like to start off on a new adventure, and want to learn as much as you can about it. 

For me, before long, the information overload started in, and so did the wondering of how I was going to do all this perfectly.   Who knew it was vital for your infant have things like high contrast wrist rattles to get a jumpstart on their eye development? 

Cute bugs on high contrast wrist rattles

And now that our kids are a little bigger, don’t they need a perfect craft set up so they can make masterpieces?  People online seem to have them.

Perfectly organized rainbow craft set up

And now that they’re in school, does every mom have time to do things like make handmade teacher gifts with perfectly cut crayons?  If I can’t do something cool like that, should I even try doing something for their teachers? 

Alphabet letter made from crayons

And what about my house?  Does everyone else have perfectly organized, wallpapered, beautiful pantries? 

Gorgeous pantry, complete with wallpaper and labeled glass jars

Mine has dust bunnies on the floor and some mystery gourmet dip mix that’s been on the shelf for at least 7 years……

I came across a blog this week where the author was talking about how this perfectionism, and worrying about what we’re NOT doing, can keep us from focusing on what’s really important to our kids!  Our kids want US, not the perfect parent!  They want us to spend time with them.  And they want us for the reasons we are unique to them.  Sure, a grilled cheese sandwich shaped like an ice cream cone would make Lauren smile, and I may make it for her one day-

"Waffle cone" shaped sandwich with banana ice cream

But I shouldn’t forget that she LOVES when I skip down our stairs with her, holding hands, in perfect rhythm.  No one taught us how to do this, nor is it significant to anyone else but us.   I wouldn’t share it on Pinterest. It’s just one of our things.  It takes 15 seconds, but I know that to her, it reinforces my love.

Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to create.  I’ve been known to spend WAY too long working on a birthday cakes for our girls.   I am not saying it’s bad to do fun things for our kids!  In fact, kids love and are full of creativity!  It’s when we get so caught up in feeling that we HAVE to do all these PERFECT THINGS instead of just BEING with our kids to be a good parent that we get into trouble.

On a deeper level, though, I’m afraid that sometimes this perfectionism causes me to not teach my kids about the things of God.  I know that my primary gift is not teaching; and there are some great Sunday school teachers, right here at Mattis Avenue.  Teaching my kids to memorize scripture may never be my strength.  However, that doesn’t mean I should stop trying!  The most important place my kids should hear about faith is at home.  So I ask the Lord for help in reaching my children in the ways only I can.  For those without kids- is your perfectionism holding you back from something God wants you to do?

It can be a challenge to give up the power comparing can have over us, but if we do, there are some great ideas out there!  For instance, I knew our girls were struggling with who and what to pray for sometimes.  I also wanted to start teaching them the characteristics of the fruit of the spirit.  So one day, on Pinterest, I came across this great idea:

Prayer jar with requests on popsicle sticks

A mom had created a special pot- a prayer pot- where her kids draw a name from a popsicle stick at mealtime and pray for that person.  I thought, “I can do that!”  Now, I brought mine to show you today.  It’s not perfect.  It doesn’t have cute polka dots, or “pray continually” written perfectly on the side.  In fact, it’s just a fun little vase I already had.  But in just a few minutes, I’d written down the names of many of our loved ones on popsicle sticks, and on the back of each stick, a fruit of the spirit.  Guess what?  It’s working!   Even though memorization is not my strong suit, my girls could probably tell you the fruit of the spirit, just not necessarily in order!  And it’s really great to hear them focus their prayers on our loved ones.   It’s rejuvenated our prayer time at meals. 

On a funny note, somehow they’ve gotten the idea that they need to pray for that particular fruit in the life of the person whose name is listed on the other side.- not my intention at all!  It’s pretty funny to hear them pray that 8 month-old baby Emmalyn will have plenty of self control! 

My prayer for all of us is that we’ll each use the unique gifts and talents God has given us to show our kids that we love them, and teach them about Him.  That we won’t get so caught up in a cycle of discouragement: comparing ourselves with others, or what we are NOT that we lose focus of the parent He made us to be.    

1.8.12  

Not "Thou shalt not"!

Our 1^{st and} 3^rd Families small group has been reading “Impress Faith on Your Kids” by Mark Holmen, and we talk about different ways to teach faith to our kids at home in meaningful and practical ways.

Impress Faith on Your Kids book cover

The chapter we read this week was really good.  I’m sparing you by not reading the whole chapter at once, but I do want to read to you a tidbit.  This is list of attributes the author wants to engrain on his teenage daughter so deeply that she will always know and follow them without having to think otherwise.

•  That she knows and believes that there is only one, true God- Father-Son-Holy Spirit.
•  That she doesn’t disrespect God in the way she talks or lives her life for Him.
•  That she will pray, worship and read the Bible all on her own.
•  That she will always love and respect her parents.
•  That she will not take revenge on those who will hurt her.
•  That she will stay committed to being sexually pure.
•  That she will be honest and trustworthy in her dealings with others.
•  That she will not lie or gossip.
•  That she will be content with what she has and who she is.
•  That she will flee from temptation and seek to help others to do the same.

I’m sure many of you have figured it out by now, but these “principles” are really Mark’s summary of the 10 commandments. In our small group discussion, we talked about how often we think of the 10 commandments as a list of rules to memorize, or “Thou shalt nots” instead of attitudes or behaviors we WANT engrained in our children. 

As you think through the list, how would our kids turn out, and how would life be for them if they lived according to these 10 principles?  How would life be for US if WE did a better job living according to these guidelines?  You don’t have to be a parent to appreciate these truths!   We all know there is no perfect person or family- we all have work to do!

If this list has tweaked your curiosity, I’d love to share the whole chapter with you!  By the way, "Impress Faith on Your Kids" is available in the MAFMC library, if you'd like to check it out.

10.23.11 

Leading our Kids to Life!

I want you to think for a moment with me.  How do you define a great parent?  What characteristics are vital as we raise children?  I actually googled “how to be a great” parent, and even Wikipedia has an answer- you can do it in 10 easy steps!

We’ve been talking about this recently in our 1^st and 3^rd Families small group as we read  “Impress Faith on Your Kids” by Mark Holmen. I thought I’d share with you this morning a few of Mark’s thoughts on being a great parent.

Many parents today think being a great parent means spending more time with our kids.  More ballgames, more activities, helping with homework.

Or more things:  a better home to live in, better clothes to wear, a better school to attend.

We also hear the term “deadbeat parent” used a lot to describe someone who is disengaged from his/her kids and/or does not pay his/her alimony.  Does that mean that a non-deadbeat parent is someone who engages their children in some way and makes sure they have provided the needed resources for success? 

These things, and a whole list of others, may make you a better parent, but maybe don’t ultimately lead to being great parents. 

Deuteronomy 30: 19-20 says this:  “This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses.  Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice and hold fast to him”

Plain and simple, a great parent is one who leads his/her children into life, not death! 

Of course, our children have free will and must ultimately make their own decision about a personal relationship with Christ, but I think we would all agree that any parent who knowingly leads his/her children into death is not a great parent.  But on the other end of the spectrum is the opportunity to lead our children into life- eternal life.  This pathway is spelled out in John 3:16.  Check out the version of these kids saying the verse- it's adorable!

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. "

The way we parent is going to influence who are children are and what they become.   As parents, the world is offering us options (gods) as to the way we should parent.  Unfortunately, the worldly ways/gods are attached to worldly outcomes that do not lead to life after death.  The worldy gods have not and cannot defeat death.  Only Jesus Christ has done this!  Therefore, we have a choice:  live and parent God’s way, which will lead you and your children to eternal life together, or live and parent the world’s way, which will lead to death and permanent separation. 

WOW.  I know for me this is something to think about, as it’s easy to get caught up in the routine of packing lunches, volunteering in classrooms, and making sure everyone is clean, dressed and fed.  Certainly all good worldly things for a parent to do.  But with God’s help, I want to keep my eyes on the eternal goal of a great Christian parent- leading my children to life in Christ.

If this discussion sounds interesting to you, in the coming weeks we’ll be talking about some practical ways to live out our faith in our homes, and lead our children to life!  If you’d like to join in, please talk to me!