Successful Parenting?

Our society is fueled by success, so what pops into your mind when I ask what makes a “successful” Christian parent? It’s a loaded question, right? For those of us who are parents, I have a feeling that as we talk about passing on faith to the next generation, it can be easy for feelings of guilt and failure to creep in. What if there is not peace at home? What if your children are away from the Lord? What if family devotions aren’t a part of the routine? Are you a success or failure as a Christian parent? There are so many expectations, and the questions can go on and on.

I recently had the privilege of attending the Hearts at Home conference for moms (www.heartsathome.org). One session I sat in on was lead by author and mom Leslie Leyland Fields. From her experiences, she has written a book titled “Parenting is Your Highest Calling’ and 8 Other Myths That Trap Us In Worry and Guilt.” http://amzn.com/  

She was a great speaker. I wanted all of you to be able to hear her presentation, so a copy of her talk, plus many others are on CD in the Faith@Home center – you can check them out.

The session I attended was titled “Successful” Parenting or Faithful Parenting?” She talked about how God does not call us to be “successful” parents, but faithful parents. She believes that a lot of us buy into the myth that if we are successful as Christian parents, if we do our jobs correctly, and teach our kids all the right things, we’ll turn out perfect Christian children. It seems logical, right?

Many of you are probably familiar with this verse:

Excellent advice for any parent, and wise words for us to follow. But we need to keep in mind, that verse is a proverb (a wise saying) not a promise from God. Our actions and training alone cannot guarantee an eternal outcome for our children. Think about it- those words were written by King Solomon- the wisest man who ever lived. Do you think he was trained, and knew the right way to go? Of course he did- better than anyone! But by the end of his life, even he made choices that led him off track. Remember, no matter how much training they receive from us, our children have free will!

God himself had (and has!) some pretty rebellious children. Throughout the Old Testament he sent prophets to speak to them on his behalf. One in particular who was called to a difficult situation was Ezekiel. He certainly would not be called a “success” by our standards- people did not want to listen to him. God responded to the adversity Ezekiel faced not by making his job easier, but by making him stronger. Let’s listen to what God said to him (this is from Ezekiel 2:4-5): “The people to whom I am sending you are obstinate and stubborn. Say to them, ‘this is what the Soverign Lord says.’ And whether they listen, or fail to listen, for they are a rebellious house, they will know that a prophet has been among them.”

We might not be prophets, and we can’t control our children’s hearts. But we do want them to know that a man or woman of God has been at home with them, whether they ultimately choose to listen or not. 

So what is our job? Remember the Deuteronomy 6:5 verse? For all of us, our most important job is to “Love the lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength,” and to be faithful in our relationships with the Lord. For those of us who are parents, I am confident that if we are in line with him, he will strengthen us- give us the wisdom, the desire, and creativity to connect with our children, and help us train them up in the way they should go. But the spiritual training and discipline needs to start with us in our relationships with him.  

As we approach Easter, in the Faith@Home center we will have some great resources and ideas for everyone to use at home- ways to ponder and share God’s story. But no matter what your walk of life, please remember that your focus should not be on the thing or activity itself, or guilt over whether an activity does or doesn’t get done, but that your actions will flow from your love for God, a desire to know him more, and share that story with others. The Bible itself is our ultimate resource! I encourage you to read the gospel of John, just as a reminder of the story of Jesus’ ministry, death and resurrection. Get that lesson in your own heart so you can share it!  As we’re thinking about SoulShifts, let’s consider another one more– a shift from being “successful” to faithful!

Green Tree or Tumbleweed?

Use your imagination with me for a minute. Can you picture in your mind a beautiful tree, fresh and green, planted in a lush garden?

Palm trees at the beach

Now imagine the opposite. Desolate land with fried tumbleweed blowing about aimlessly. Think about those images for a minute.

Chad and I just celebrated our 15^th wedding anniversary. For the first time since our girls were born, we took a few days off together for the sole purpose of getting away to relax and reconnect. We were amazed at how restful five days without our normal routine could be. Several days after we got home, Chad mentioned to me, “I see you” again. 

Upon reflection, I think that is what God intends the Sabbath to be, a time for us to see Him clearly again. When we take time to rest and tune into God, our minds clear, priorities realign. We have time to listen to what he wants to say to us. We are mindful of the still, small, voice of his spirit, and it’s direction. In fact, God knows our spirits need this rest and reconnection with him so much that he COMMANDS us to do it. The fourth commandment God gave Moses is “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy”.

Our culture pushes us to work faster, harder more. Through computers and PDAs we can be “always on”. We think somehow that if we don’t keep plowing through our days, that the work won’t get accomplished. Jeremiah 17:5-8 says this:

“God’s Message: Cursed is the strong one who depends on mere humans,

Who thinks he can make it on muscle alone and sets God aside as dead weight.

He’s like a tumbleweed on the prairie, out of touch with the good earth.

He lives rootless and aimless in a land where nothing grows.

But blessed is the man who trusts me, God, the woman who sticks with God.

They’re like trees planed in Eden, putting down roots near the rivers-

Never a worry through the hottest of summers, never dropping a leaf,

Serene and calm throughout droughts, bearing fresh fruit in every season.”
(The Message)

Later in the chapter, he goes on to give some very stern warnings about keeping the Sabbath holy “This is God’s message. Be careful, if you care about your lives, not to desecrate the Sabbath by turning it into just another work day”.  The repercussions of not following his word are dire. I encourage you to read Jeremiah 17 to see what he has to say.

Now believe me, I do not stand before you as someone who has mastered this art of Sabbath rest!  But it is an issue God has been working on in my heart over the last few months. There are certainly seasons of life where it can be difficult, if not impossible, to completely walk away from your obligations. However, I think there are steps ALL of us can take to slow down. Here are a few quick tips that I find helpful:

-       PLAN ahead for a restful day- literally remove some distractions from view. If that means making sure your kitchen is clean on Saturday afternoon, or that pile of work that’s been staring you down needs to get moved, do it! Get things arranged so they can sit for a day. I know of one family who tries to have their table set and a meal prepared and ready to pop in the oven by Saturday night so they can have a restful meal together on Sunday. If you need to, create some routines that will allow you to take one day “off”.

-       Turn off the technology: the phone, the news, Facebook. Believe me, the world will still be there waiting for you.

-       Take a break from whatever it is you see as “work”

-       Remember, the mere absence of work does not mean you’re focusing on God, either. Take time to worship, pray, read your Bible, take a walk. Reconnect with Him.

Of course, I’ve barely scratched the surface here. If you haven’t already, I encourage you to watch the 24/6 videos on RightNow media for more ideas on the importance of the Sabbath and keeping it holy.  

I don’t know about you, but I want to be like a tree planted in Eden, not tumbleweed!

How do you relax and reconnect with God?

We Pray for Children

As a mom and sponsor of not enough children, this poem touched my heart. I hope it will yours as well:

"We Pray for Children" by Ina J. Hughs

We pray for children who sneak popsicles before supper,
who erase holes in math workbooks,
who can never find their shoes. 

And we pray,
for those who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire,
who can't bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers,
who never "counted potatoes,"
who are born in places where we wouldn't be caught dead,
who never go to the circus, who live in an X-rated world. 

Ethiopian children behind barbed wire

We pray for children who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
Who sleep with the cat and bury goldfish,
Who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money,
Who squeeze toothpaste all over the sink,
Who slurp their soup.

Well worn stuffed hippos, "Hip Hip" and "Happy"

And we pray for those who never get dessert,
who have no safe blanket to drag behind them,
who watch their parents watch them die,
who can't find any bread to steal,
who don't have any rooms to clean up,
whose pictures aren't on anybody's dresser,
whose monsters are real. 

ICCM sponsored children eating rice

 We pray for children who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,
who like ghost stories,
who shove dirty clothes under the bed, and never rinse out the tub,
who get visits from the tooth fairy,
who don't like to be kissed in front of the carpool,
who squirm in church or temple and scream in the phone,
whose tears we sometimes laugh at and whose smiles can make us cry. 

Little girl jumping into the water

And we pray for those whose nightmares come in the daytime,
who will eat anything,
who have never seen a dentist,
who aren't spoiled by anybody,
who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
who live and move, but have no being. 

Smiling Ethiopian girl

We pray for children who want to be carried and for those who must,
for those we never give up on and for those who don't get a second chance.

For those we smother…and for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer it. 

We pray for children. Amen

This poem was shared in a newsletter from International Childcare Ministries (ICCM), www.childcareministries.org. They also get credit for the beautiful black and white images above.  ICCM advocates for the spiritual, educational, physical, and social development of children by partnering with the global Free Methodist Church through sponsorships, scholarships and creative initiatives. May God continue to bless their work, and the work of similar organizations seeking to share His love with those He loves so much!

On a side note, if you've ever wondered if child sponsorship really works, check out this groundbreaking study http://www.christianitytoday.com/ In case you don't have time to read the whole article, the short answer can be summed up in one glorious word: YES!!!! With God's help, we can change the world one child at a time! If you have questions about child sponsorship, I'm not an expert, but would be happy to share our personal experience, answer what I can, and get you pointed in the right direction.

I hope that you'll join me today in praying for children today: those God has put in our lives and in our homes, and those we may never meet this side of heaven, but need our prayers, love and support. 

Credit for color photos, Chad Olson

Almost Christian

Today I'm in research mode. Pastor Josh and I had a conversation a few days ago about some self-esteem related issues that are affecting teens today. We both think it is important for the church to come alongside parents as they work through things like cutting or eating disorders at home with their teens, and one of the ways we can do that is provide good resources for further learning. I thought I would check out what Sean McDowell (son of popular Christian author and speaker Josh McDowell) has to say. I've heard Sean speak twice now at the D:6 Conference, and was impressed with his passion for teaching the gospel message to next generation in tangible and logical ways, and ability to tackle some tough topics head-on. He is an award winning high school teacher of Philosophy, Theology and Apologetics. Hearing him speak, you can tell that he teaches his students to really think through their faith, own it for themselves and articulate it clearly to others. Don't we all want our kids to grow in their faith that way!

On Sean's website seanmcdowell.org I stumbled across a great article I'd like to share with you, where he discusses issues raised in the book "Almost Christian" by Kenda Creasy Dean. In the outset of the book, Dean says "Let me save you some trouble. Here is the gist of what you are about to read: 'American young people are, theoretically, fine with religious faith- but it does not concern them very much, and it's not durable enough to survive long after they graduate from high school. One more thing: we're responsible" (pg. 3).  The article succinctly summarizes some of the main relationship issues (rather, issues that are caused by lack of real relationship) that are going on between kids, the church and home today. Here's a penetrating question for parents:

"Do we practice the kind of faith we want our children to have?" (p. 39).

Since this is a blog about all things D:6, I thought this would be the perfect place to share the article. I encourage you to read this now, www.seanmcdowell.org/index.php/youth-culture/almost-christian/, and if you have time, check out the rest of Sean's site. Even if you don't have teens yet, the time is coming, and it's never too early to start modeling real faith at home. It can can make an eternal difference in the life of your family! Oh, and it looks like I'll be adding another book, "Almost Christian" to my ever growing reading list.

The Disruption of Peace

I love Pinterest. I've made no secret of that, and I usually manage to keep my love of it within healthy boundaries. However, it can be easy to get sucked into a sea of new ideas for recipes, activities to do with kids, home organization projects, etc. One of the great ironies of Pinterest is gorgeous photos of tantalizing desserts immediately followed by tips on how get in peak fitness shape!  For those of you that have not ventured into the realm of Pinterest, it is a site where you set up virtual pin boards to collect and organize ideas you find from around the web. One of my favorite boards is a spot where I save quotes or phrases I come across that are meaningful to me. From time to time, I'll read through them and be inspired. Some are visually stunning as well as beautifully said. This striking photo with equally striking quote from C.S. Lewis never fails to spark my imagination:

C.S. Lewis quote

However, the most visually simple pin on my words board is the one I want to share today:

Mother Teresa quote

At Mattis Avenue FMC, we have recently started using a Christian video subscription service called RightNow Media www.rightnowmedia.org There are over 2,000 videos to watch on a huge variety of topics. It's a really cool resource! One short series I've watched recently that has been meaningful to me is called 24/6 by Matthew Sleeth, M.D.  We'll be encouraging the congregation to watch it this summer in the midst of our building expansion, a project where we're all tempted to work overtime!

Book cover for 24/6 by Matthew Sleeth, M.D.

Here's how the book and video series are described on christianbook.com: "It's not easy finding peace in our digitally crazed world. How can we free ourselves from busyness and reconnect with our Creator? Offering his prescription for living a healthier, more God-centered life, Dr. Sleeth shares how his family was dramatically changed by adopting Sabbath practices---and shows how you can be transformed by a 24/6 lifestyle!" 

To me, it seems that this medicine of slowing down Dr. Sleeth prescribes is treatment for the symptoms of suffering and lack of love in our families Mother Teresa is talking about. This advice is coming from two experts on healing! When we slow down we have more time to love God and one another, which ultimately leads to peace in our homes, spilling over into how we relate to the world. My prayer today is that God will truly help me to "be still" and know that he is God, and mindfully slow down, particularly on the Sabbath. That way my family and I can be recharged and refreshed to love him, one another, and our world throughout the week. For me, reducing my use of digital devices on the weekend is something I'm working on so I can focus on the real people in front of me. I guess that means I may have to confine my love of Pinterest to the other 6 days of the week!     

Do you have any tips for mindfully slowing down and reconnecting with God?

  

Before You Ask....

Matthew 6:7-8 "And when you pray, do not go on babbling like pagans, for they think that they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him" (NIV).

Matthew 6 opens with Jesus teaching about giving to the needy and prayer. The verses following 7 and 8 (above) give direction on how to pray, including some of the most often quoted verses in the Bible, commonly referred to as "The Lord's Prayer." The second part of verse 8 came to mind this week at home, and although I do not typically blog about personal matters, this time I couldn't pass up the opportunity to say thanks to God, and share a story of his faithfulness. I never cease to be amazed about how God cares about the little details, and this week it seems that we have seen proof of the verse "for your Father knows what you need before you ask him" vividly. Here's why:

My husband, Chad, has been self-employed in some form or another for most of the time I have known him (over 16 years!) There are some great advantages to self-employment, and a few notable drawbacks; one of which is not always knowing where your next paycheck is coming from. We have been blessed beyond explanation over the years through his career, and in retrospect it is easy to see how God has provided for and directed us. I could write many posts on that topic! Being self-employed can be a roller coaster of great opportunities and great disappointments, and the past 18 months have been no exception for us.

A few weeks ago we became aware of a relatively small need that we could help out with. Chad felt led to help directly by giving a gift, and I agreed. Although we are regular givers, it's rare that we give in this manner. I guess we're traditionalists, and give to the church or other charities directly. This situation was unique, and we felt God had given us the resources and nudge to take care of it.

A few days ago, a letter arrived in the mail addressed to us both. Faithful servants of Christ within our church family felt led to write us a note of encouragement and give us a gift, to be used personally or to be put toward our ministry at MAFMC. The gift was given with no strings attached.... it was to be used freely in whatever way we thought appropriate. It brought a huge smile to my face. Not because of the money, but because of the way it made us feel blessed, loved and appreciated. I know that this family prays for us regularly, and it was just a sweet surprise. At the time, I didn't even think about the fact that the check they wrote slightly exceeded the gift we had just given.

Fast forward to yesterday. We received news of a short term self-employment speed bump we were not expecting. Will we be fine in the long run? Yes! God has us in the palm of his hand, I have no doubt. This month, we may be dipping into some savings. Not uncommon on our roller coaster- that's why we have savings! However, as I was reworking this month's budget, it hit me..... BEFORE I had the chance to be stressed one bit about how to cover the gift we had given earlier in the month, or hit my knees in prayer about it, God had provided (and then some!) through the gift someone had given us. Amazing. "For your Father knows what you need before you ask him", or in our case, even know about the need!

Our church family is kind and shows us their appreciation in many ways, including faithful prayer, occasional gift cards and notes. However, in almost three years of ministry at MAFMC, this is the first time anyone has ever sent us a check! Today I'm praising God for his perfect timing, and for providing for our needs before we even ask!

Praying For My Child

At Mattis Avenue we have babies on the brain this month! We had a first visit from our tiniest new member this past Sunday morning in worship, two more babies are due within the next few weeks, and we'll be dedicating a special little guy and his sister to the Lord later this month. Oh, and our nursery renovation is almost complete- just in time, I might add!

Photo of infant toes, Credit: Chad Olson

Later this year, we'll be launching a program called "Faith Path" which is a strategy used by churches to help provide birthday-driven coaching kits to parents to create a spiritual milestone or spiritual discipline at the ideal age and stage of development.

Faith Path logo

This training is given for 12 important milestone times in a child's life, from birth to age 18. For example, when a child turns 3, those parenting the child will get a kit of information including a video and some creative idea pointers on the importance of blessing your child. At age 6, the training is on prayer and teaching your child to pray, at 9 you're learning about giving and serving, at 11 preparing for adolescence, and so on. The idea is to provide "just in time" coaching to parents, or those significant in the child's development. We tend to get so busy with all life throws at us, we hope that these kits will help parents be intentional about building faith at home step by step in a way that's not overwhelming, and even fun!  In case you're curious, here's a sneak peek at the Faith Path steps:

faith_path_guide_inside.pdf

As I was reviewing some of the Faith Path information related to dedication, which is typically provided to parents with infants, I found these simple ideas for praying for your child. Even as a parent with school aged children, these really hit home! In fact, at my girls ages, I would enjoy praying them out loud with my kids. I think it would be a great springboard for conversations with them. I thought I'd pass the ideas on for you to ponder, and maybe even try out at home today!

From Faith Path's "Praying for My Child": One of the most impactful investments we can make in our chilren's faith formation is the habit of praying for them. Rather than repeating the same simple prayers asking for health, happiness and safety, consider these ideas to expand your prayer life and establish a meaningful routine of praying for your child.

Prayers from their head to their toes:
You can begin praying for your baby during feedings or while he or she falls asleep in your arms. Side note: I also remember praying some particularly desperate prayers while cajoling a colicky baby! One simple method is to pray "from head to toes" by touching the child gently on the head as you pray and gradully moving your hand all the way down to his or her toes as you pray.

• Head: "Give my child wisdom, discernment and an understanding of Your Word."
• Eyes: "Help my child see the truth and guard his/her eyes from impurity."
• Ears: "Let him/her listen to the Lord and those in authority"
• Mouth: "Help my child speak with truth and honesty and use his/her words to praise the Lord."
• Shoulders: "Let my child cast his/her burdens on the Lord and give him/her friends who will help him/her stand strong."
• Hands: "Help my child learn to work as unto the Lord with a servant's heart."
• Heart: "Open my child's heart to salvation, a love of scripture and concern for other people."
• Feet: "Inspire my child to follow the Lord all of his/her days."

Praying Scripture:

Another method is to begin praying scripture over your child, inserting his or her name. For example, pray Psalm 23 by saying "Lord, be NAME'S shepherd so HE/SHE shall not want."Or what about inserting your child's name into 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 in place of love? I pray that NAME would be patient, NAME would be kind, etc." Try it for yourself as well! Jesus modeled the incredible power of combating Satan by speaking scripture aloud in order to align our desires with God's purposes. 

For those who would enjoy further study on this topic, I recommend "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children" by Jodie Berndt.

 A copy was given to us by a friend when our children were born. I wish I could say that it is worn out from excessive use.... I will say that I'm inspired to go crack it open again and get praying for my kiddos. I hope you're inspired by some of these ideas too! Do you have a favorite method of praying for your kids or grandkids?