Growing Young

Last week in our morning worship service, we had a group of teens and their parents come forward. We prayed for them as they headed off to FMYC, the Free Methodist Youth Conference that happens for high schoolers every 3 years. As that was occurring, I was reminded of my own experience at that conference, back when I was their age. 

FMYC (then IYC) crew, 1994

24 of us from MAFMC made the trek that year, including the brave chaperones who made our attendance possible: Joe Patton, Jeff and Pam Wilson, Brownie Davis and Larry and Kara Roberson.

One impactful moment for me in the formation of my faith took place in the arena during a large group session. The speaker had us all pause and pray out loud in groups of three. I appreciated something new about God that day, hearing hundreds of voices praying to Him. I was struck with how powerful He must be to hear so many prayers, also knowing that those of us gathered in that room represented a mere fraction of believers around the world whose prayers He was also hearing at the same time. Mind boggling! It made me feel small, but in a good way, knowing what an awesome God we serve.

In retrospect, I am so thankful for those busy adults who took time off of work to take an awkward group of teens to Colorado for a conference. I’m also thankful for Pam, who took the time to get to know me and several other girls better that year by leading a Bible study and spending some extra time with us. She was our friend, and someone we looked up to. Those moments helped shape my life and decision making at a crucial time.

Why do I share this story with you? Our Board Of Administration went on a retreat earlier this spring to do some long term planning. One result was to develop a group to look at how as a church we can better reach the millennial generation. Some of us are reading a book titled Growing Young, a compilation of research by Fuller Youth Institute that has studied churches that are successfully reaching the next generation for Christ. (Learn more about their research here.)

Growing Young book by Kara Powell, Jake Mulder and Brad Griffin

They’re finding that ALL generations in these churches are stronger as a result. Empathizing, or feeling with, young people is one of the key components they’ve identified for helping churches “grow young”. I know it made a difference in my faith journey when a Christian farther down the path of life took time to understand and listen to me. I believe it is even more important for adults in the church to do today than it was in the 1990’s.

I don’t have time in this moment to bowl you over with statistics, but know that young people today (those ages 15-29) are facing a longer season of adolescence and exploration than past generations. 25 feels like the new 15, and 15 often seems like the new 25. Their journey has both an earlier starting line as the world is forcing them to take on mature issues at younger ages, and a later finish line with typical young adult benchmarks being delayed. Omnipresent technology has become a new challenge for all generations.

Church, I know that we want to love the young people in our midst and in the world around us. Now don’t worry, the bus left yesterday for Colorado, so I’m not up here to recruit chaperones for FMYC. What I want to do today is challenge you to think about a young person or persons in your life that you might pray for, encourage and engage in conversation from time to time- even if it’s just in the hallway here at church. However, in order to feel with them, we need to understand them better.

To help equip you, I want to share a good, free resource that is e-mailed out every Friday to subscribers. It’s called The Culture Translator. It’s a put out by a creative ministry called AXIS, and provides weekly insight into how pop culture, technology, and media are influencing students while equipping parents and other caring adults to start biblically based conversations. They bring up topics that will be on the minds of teens, but are probably off the average adult's radar.

The Culture Translator logo

Although this newsletter is written to parents, I think it is a great resource for anyone who wants to understand young people better. I’ve included a copy of last week’s Culture Translator in the bulletin- it’s on the yellow sheet.  One of the topics is an app called Yellow. Do you know about it? I didn’t!

Like me, you might be thankful for Christian adults who befriended you (in real life!) in your teens and twenties. To those of us that are not quite so young anymore, I pray that we too will be motivated to empathize with and encourage the next generation as they explore matters of faith.

Enough? Bright blue Reeboks and M&Ms

What's the first thing you remember WANTING- not needing- but WANTING something more than what you had?

For me, the year was 6th grade.  What I desperately wanted:

White Reebok "princess sneakers"

White Reebok "princess sneakers" (yes, they really were called that.) White leather, pale pink lining: perfection. "All" the girls had them and as the quiet girl on the fringes, I wanted them so I would fit in with the crowd just as much as I wanted them because they were cute.

What my kind-hearted and frugal mom bought me:

"Bright blue" Reebok sneakers

"Bright Blue" (yes, they really were called that) Reebok sneakers. They were on sale for a few dollars less than the princess style, so she snatched up the deal. Part of me was really grateful- they were super comfy and probably the most expensive shoes I'd owned up to that point. BUT there was no "fitting in" with those shoes. The other 6th grade girls started making fun of them from day 1. Were they "enough?" Yes- more than. Was I content? Not really.

This fall in Faithful Families we've been reading "The Gift of Enough: Raising Grateful Kids in a Culture of Excess" by Marianne Miller. http://www.christianbook.com/enough

The Gift of Enough by Marianne Miller book cover

We've been talking about the power we have as parents to instill in our children the strength to combat today's materialistic culture with hearts of gratitude. If you're older than your mid-twenties, remember the peer pressure of your youth? Take that, and now add to it the constant "always on" comparison pressure from digital access and social media that today's generation of kids and teens face. As those who care about the next generation, our wisdom and encouragement is needed now more than ever!

Although we know we live in a culture that idolizes excess, this is not a new issue. Paul writes in Philippians 4, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." He knew it was human nature to be discontent. As Christians, we know that there is no true contentment in this world apart from a life in Christ. However, we live in a world that tells us there is not true contentment apart from our stuff.

We're enjoying this book because the author, who has experience as a mom, financial counselor with Crown Financial Ministries, and has worked with teenagers in middle schools for many years, shares nuggets of practical wisdom she's learned along the way. 

She suggests a simple exercise to help us and our children understand the concept of "enough." Imagine with me a continuum which goes from SCARCITY to ENOUGH to ABUNDANCE to TOO MUCH. She contends that if we fail to understand and teach enough, we can't expect an appreciation of abundance. 

Pile of M&M candy

If I told you that you could eat as many M&Ms as you wanted, which pile would you choose? There are four choices: 

Scarcity-Enough-Abundance-Too Much illustrated in M&Ms

Which did you choose? Would you feel grateful to receive that amount of candy? Why? Take a look at the pile labeled "too much." What might happen if you ate that all at once? I can tell you from personal experience, there is definately such a thing as "too much" grape pop. Let's just say that after about 3 cans straight at a family reunion as a kid, I haven't touched the stuff since. Too much is never good for the person who gets too much. Sadly, the news headlines today are dominated with the story of yet another materially wealthy celebrity who has self-destructed as the result of too much. 

So many of us really don't understand the concept of "enough," which means when we receive abundance we're not overly excited or grateful about it. Back to my shoes- my mom thought she was giving me abundance- name brand sneakers! I struggled to see it that way because they weren't exactly what I wanted.

Imagine I'm sitting next to you in church right now. If I leaned over and handed you a couple of M&Ms would you be happy about it? Sure! It would be an unexpected surprise! In this situation, where a sweet treat is unexpected, it would feel as good as getting a giant pile! Our expectations in situations impacts our happiness. This basic lesson can lead into a much broader conversation about observing the people around us and whether they're content with what they have or always wanting more. Where does our identity come from- our stuff, or our position as a child of God? 

One final suggestion. Try out the word "enough" at home this week. Maybe it means thinking through the meaning of enough in one simple area of your own life- enough T-shirts, enough time watching TV or gaming, enough eating out. If you have kids, use it in conversation. "One brownie is enough." "You have enough stuffed animals." Help set reasonable expectations.

If this is a challenge (and it probably will be!), remember Paul's words: "I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

What's an area of your life that could use some defining of enough? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

The Good News Is....

Have you heard these statements before?

"50% of all marriages end in divorce."

"The divorce rate within the church is no different than that of the general public."

"Marriage is HARD."

These so-called facts paint a pretty bleak picture of the state of marriage in our society. No wonder so many people are discouraged and giving up on the idea of healthy marriage relationships. The GOOD news is, those statistics are faulty.

Book cover for "The Good News About Marriage"

Last week several of us had the privilege of hearing Harvard graduate, analyst and author Shaunti Feldhahn speak at the D6 Conference on family ministry. She brought a message about restoring HOPE in relationships based on her social research. Her book titled The Good News About Marriage goes into detail about her findings. You can find it here: http://www.christianbook.com/

Over 12 years of research, Shaunti has discovered that one common denominator in whether a marriage survives or fails- or whether a couple even gets married to begin with- is whether the couple has a sense of hope or a sense of futility.

"If a struggling couple believes 'Yeah, this is tough, but we're going to make it,' they usually do. But once people start to think otherwise, they all too soon employ the logic of futility: if the ship is going to sink anyway, why bother working hard to bail it out? That poisonous doubt- which is really about the possibility of marriage working in general- gets into our minds years before we approach the altar."

A young couple, full of of hope!

We, and our society, need to be reminded that a lifelong, abundant, joyous marriage is possible!  From her experience, here are a few things Shaunti wants you to know:

• The most depressing statistics we hear floating around about divorce (such as that ominous 50% rate) are not even close to true.  According to the census bureau, 71% of people are still married to their first spouse. The 29% who are not even includes those who were married until a spouse died. No one exactly knows the divorce rate, but in all likelihood, it is much closer to 25%. And millennials- those most scared away from marriage to bein with- have an even lower rate of divorce than their parents at the same ages. 
• Church attendance matters! The fact that you're sitting in church today, in community with other with other believers, means you're doing something to help strengthen relationships. Those who regularly attend church DO have a lower divorce rate. In her book, Shaunti goes into detail on that often quoted but misunderstood Barna research study about the rate of divorce of those in church. She later partnered with the Barna group to re-run the numbers together. They found that regular church attendance lowers the divorce rate anywhere from 25-50%.
• Happy marriages are the RULE not the EXCEPTION! We've gotten into a bad habit of using phrases like "marriage is HARD!" Think about it- that's not exactly the best advertisement for future generations, is it? The fact is, although marriages certainly have issues to work on, most people, about 80%, truly enjoy being married. Let's change the message to "Marriage takes hard work, and it's worth every bit!" 
• Little things make a big difference. Although some marriages are broken up by "big ticket" issues, such as forms of abuse or serious depression, many more are affected by misunderstanding. Two spouses who love each other but may be working hard in the wrong areas, or hurting one other without intending to. Getting help and seeking to make seemingly minor changes can have a big impact. 
• Commitment is powerful. If couples stick together through the tough times, 80% report being happy together 5 years later. If you're going through a rough patch right now, that should be great news!

Jack and Alice B., my grandparents, smooching on their 50th anniversary.

No matter what you're relationship status is today, I hope that you will be encouraged. There is HOPE. A great marriage IS possible!

*The research and quotes from this article are summarized from Shaunti Feldhahn's talk at the D6 Conference on September 17, 2015 and from an article, "Restoring Hope for Marriages In the Next Generation-and the Current One!" in the D6 Conference booklet.

Stare at God

Typically in these Faith@Home moments I share ideas, tips or resources for living out faith at home. But today I want to do something a little different….

Some from the Faithful Families small group recently started a book study called “You and Me Forever, Marriage in Light of Eternity” by Frances and Lisa Chan. I'd like to share a few thoughts from that book with you today.

We’ve quickly realized this book is different. Rather than starting off with brass tacks information about how to communicate with your spouse, or recommending more date nights, they plunge into deep waters about prioritizing our eternal relationship with the Creator of all things above our earthly relationships, even our marriages. Frances writes, “when two people are right with Him, they will be right with each other. As a pastor for over 20 years, I have come to the conclusion that most marriage problems are not really marriage problems. They are God problems”. I think this extends to all relationships, doesn’t it?

Our lack of intimacy with God causes a void that we try to fill with the frailest of substitutes. Like wealth or pleasure. Like fame or respect. Like people. Like marriage. Think of all the awards, promotions, accolades, and accomplishments you would love to receive in your lifetime. Could anything be better than one day hearing our master say, as written Matthew 25:23 “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little. I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.” That day is coming. Do we ever envision what it will be like to hear those words?

One of the solutions the Chan’s propose to changing our perspective and taking the focus off ourselves is to stare at God. I realize this is not a new concept for most of us. However, we can ALL use the reminder. When we actually stop and take time to look at Him, worship and meditate on what we know of Him, everything else fades into its proper place, including our attitudes, priorities and relationships with others. Through prayer, reading the Bible, and taking time out to just pause and ponder who we’re really talking to, we develop a healthy fear of Him and a perspective that is focused more on eternity than our temporary circumstances. Frances says, “people accuse me of going overboard in preparing for my first ten million years in eternity. In my opinion, people go overboard in worrying about their last ten years on earth.”

I don’t know where you are in your relationships today, whether things are going smoothly or you’re struggling... We all need moments in the day to stop and “stare at God” to make sure we’re not spending our time staring at lesser things. Namely, ourselves.

Chapters 4-5 of Revelation give us a picture of what worship in Heaven looks like, surrounding the throne of God. Pondering that seems a good place to start. I encourage you to go read those verses this afternoon to either learn or refresh your memory. Seeds Family Worship www.seedsfamilyworship.com is a group that takes scripture and makes it singable for all ages. I’m going to play for you their take on Revelation 7:10&12, words of praise spoken in Heaven. As we listen, let’s look at an amazing photograph of nebulae taken by the Hubble telescope. I think this photo might give us the tiniest peek of the rainbow surrounding God’s throne. As you look and listen, take a moment to gaze at God and ponder his magnificence. Also, I hope that this week as you’re tempted to think about yourself and short term circumstances- and certainly we all will be- that this will be a reminder to stop and “stare at God.”

Successful Parenting?

Our society is fueled by success, so what pops into your mind when I ask what makes a “successful” Christian parent? It’s a loaded question, right? For those of us who are parents, I have a feeling that as we talk about passing on faith to the next generation, it can be easy for feelings of guilt and failure to creep in. What if there is not peace at home? What if your children are away from the Lord? What if family devotions aren’t a part of the routine? Are you a success or failure as a Christian parent? There are so many expectations, and the questions can go on and on.

I recently had the privilege of attending the Hearts at Home conference for moms (www.heartsathome.org). One session I sat in on was lead by author and mom Leslie Leyland Fields. From her experiences, she has written a book titled “Parenting is Your Highest Calling’ and 8 Other Myths That Trap Us In Worry and Guilt.” http://amzn.com/  

She was a great speaker. I wanted all of you to be able to hear her presentation, so a copy of her talk, plus many others are on CD in the Faith@Home center – you can check them out.

The session I attended was titled “Successful” Parenting or Faithful Parenting?” She talked about how God does not call us to be “successful” parents, but faithful parents. She believes that a lot of us buy into the myth that if we are successful as Christian parents, if we do our jobs correctly, and teach our kids all the right things, we’ll turn out perfect Christian children. It seems logical, right?

Many of you are probably familiar with this verse:

Excellent advice for any parent, and wise words for us to follow. But we need to keep in mind, that verse is a proverb (a wise saying) not a promise from God. Our actions and training alone cannot guarantee an eternal outcome for our children. Think about it- those words were written by King Solomon- the wisest man who ever lived. Do you think he was trained, and knew the right way to go? Of course he did- better than anyone! But by the end of his life, even he made choices that led him off track. Remember, no matter how much training they receive from us, our children have free will!

God himself had (and has!) some pretty rebellious children. Throughout the Old Testament he sent prophets to speak to them on his behalf. One in particular who was called to a difficult situation was Ezekiel. He certainly would not be called a “success” by our standards- people did not want to listen to him. God responded to the adversity Ezekiel faced not by making his job easier, but by making him stronger. Let’s listen to what God said to him (this is from Ezekiel 2:4-5): “The people to whom I am sending you are obstinate and stubborn. Say to them, ‘this is what the Soverign Lord says.’ And whether they listen, or fail to listen, for they are a rebellious house, they will know that a prophet has been among them.”

We might not be prophets, and we can’t control our children’s hearts. But we do want them to know that a man or woman of God has been at home with them, whether they ultimately choose to listen or not. 

So what is our job? Remember the Deuteronomy 6:5 verse? For all of us, our most important job is to “Love the lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength,” and to be faithful in our relationships with the Lord. For those of us who are parents, I am confident that if we are in line with him, he will strengthen us- give us the wisdom, the desire, and creativity to connect with our children, and help us train them up in the way they should go. But the spiritual training and discipline needs to start with us in our relationships with him.  

As we approach Easter, in the Faith@Home center we will have some great resources and ideas for everyone to use at home- ways to ponder and share God’s story. But no matter what your walk of life, please remember that your focus should not be on the thing or activity itself, or guilt over whether an activity does or doesn’t get done, but that your actions will flow from your love for God, a desire to know him more, and share that story with others. The Bible itself is our ultimate resource! I encourage you to read the gospel of John, just as a reminder of the story of Jesus’ ministry, death and resurrection. Get that lesson in your own heart so you can share it!  As we’re thinking about SoulShifts, let’s consider another one more– a shift from being “successful” to faithful!

Faith at Home moment 11.14.12

I love how a well done two-minute video clip can stick with you. This one definitely qualifies!

I must admit, I still get choked up watching this!  With God's help, let's do our best to parent with "no regrets"!  Video from Lake Pointe Church's Faith Path program.

http://www.lakepointe.org/faithpath/